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as chaos ensues; i remain

by benj

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1.
i cant imagine how it mustve felt but i wont put it past me and every fuckin day im being sent to hell you know id never tell cause my throat gets dry and raspy so ask me all the shit you wanna task me i can take it all i think i proved all of that lask week i can take a fall for you i learned it in my past see what am i at all if i cant take it on my back feet i cant imagine how it mustve felt but i wont put it past me and every fuckin day im being sent to hell you know id never tell cause my throat gets dry and raspy so ask me all the shit you wanna task me i can take it all i think i proved all of that lask week i can take a fall for you i learned it in my past see what am i at all if i cant take it on my back feet id throw myself in for you when every days the same yeah im going insane is this even the way is it for me or even you and people call me selfless but i know it isnt true no no no my phone keeps blowing up i try to cover it up cause i don't know how to exist in the spotlight im in when all the eyes are on me try to give what they seek will i ever succeed i dont know but im hitting the ground on my feet breaking my legs on concrete hear the crunch and my screams reaching for help i dont see bleeding out on my street and i dont know what it means i dont know what it means i cant imagine how it mustve felt but i wont put it past me and every fuckin day im being sent to hell you know id never tell cause my throat gets dry and raspy so ask me all the shit you wanna task me i can take it all i think i proved all of that lask week i can take a fall for you i learned it in my past see what am i at all if i cant take it on my back feet i cant imagine how it mustve felt but i wont put it past me and every fuckin day im being sent to hell you know id never tell cause my throat gets dry and raspy so ask me all the shit you wanna task me i can take it all i think i proved all of that lask week i can take a fall for you i learned it in my past see what am i at all if i cant take it on my back feet id throw myself in for you when every days the same yeah im going insane is this even the way is it for me or even you and people call me selfless but i know it isnt true no no no my phone keeps blowing up i try to cover it up cause i don't know how to exist in the spotlight im in when all the eyes are on me try to give what they seek will i ever succeed i dont know but im hitting the ground on my feet breaking my legs on concrete hear the crunch and my screams reaching for help i dont see bleeding out on my street
2.
I just wanna tell you It's something I can't bear to Keep inside but I knew That you would never care too So I won't speak my mind, who Knew that you could lie too Maybe I was unsure Maybe you were my clue That I just shoulda given up while I was ahead I could never really pull off the red Necktie that you had given to my friend But it is fine Cause he doesn't really get these kinda things So can I tell you you should stop wasting your time on him And maybe you should spend it all on me I promise that I'll see it more than he And I just wanna lie again it's something I can't escape And I just wanna die again so maybe you should help me See the error of my ways even though I already have Either way I would rather it be you Any day I would rather it be you And I just want you to know I kinda wish that you would grow And I'll look up and smell the air And I'll look up and see you there And I just want you to know That I'll forever ever care That every time I'll stop and stare Never deterred by the glares And I just want you to know I kinda wish that you would grow And I'll look up and smell the air And I'll look up and see you there And I just want you to know That I'll forever ever care That every time I'll stop and stare Never deterred by the glares And I just want you to know I kinda wish that you would grow And I'll look up and smell the air And I'll look up and see you there And I just want you to know That I'll forever ever care That every time I'll stop and stare Never deterred by the glares And I just want you to know That I've been hiding in the Sound As it's been washing over me I don't care what no one sees As it wraps me in it's fuzz And I fall forever asleep Could you do me one more thing Tell me what I mean
3.
i can't keep on i can't keep fawning and i run and i keep wanting feel your tongue and i know something i can't say, it's all mine now and see you across town when you slip and you fall down kinda wish you would go down kinda see you in a ball gown let me know when you're around got some places you could check out you would love so let me know when you're around let me be in your surround i can't imagine the things you went through and i see what's happening I'm sure you do to and i kinda wish you could stay but you've chosen her wish you said so yesterday next time save us the trouble I'll go away soon but why'd you compliment my stubble and why'd you change your tune and i kinda wish you would change i don't wanna grow up i still want your last name still want your last name still want your last name want your last name want your last name
4.
It's okay to cry I must repeat It's okay to cry Just what I mean But it never comes out The way I mean Cause you fucked it up And you never leave When I was young the monsters got to me You never let me leave You never let me leave so When I was young I was afraid of the dark And now I'm young and I don't know where to start To rid my mind of my fears at night It's okay to cry, it's okay to cry It's okay to die, you know that we've all been there It's okay to cry Rip off my wings, the bloody stumps that remain The little birdies can't shut up what they say Be gone, my worries, I don't care what they say I don't care about you I don't care what you break Rip off the horns that mark the birth of my pain Just reach the morning, you'll be done by the day When I was fourteen I was done with the way That you looked at the world, the way that you say my name The way that you say my name The way that you say-say-say I've never had a friend I didn't need to change to be with I don't know why but I can't stop lying about my age I put up a front that I got other people to be with Then I go home and wonder why nobody invites me Is it too much to ask that everybody do what I want And the world bends to my will and does what I had seen Is it too much to ask that everybody makes me feel good Cause I just want to feel good Cause I just want- Rip off my wings, the bloody stumps that remain The little birdies can't shut up what they say Be gone, my worries, I don't care what they say I don't care about you I don't care what you break Rip off the horns that mark the birth of my pain Just reach the morning, you'll be done by the day When I was fourteen I was done with the way That you looked at the world, the way that you say my name

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released March 31, 2023

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benj Missoula, montana

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